Have issues you can't solve? Join the club. We all do. We need someone on our side, someone who is always present, who encourages us when we have no strength left. No matter what the issues or addictions are, until we surrender and embrace a faith in God, we will continue to relapse, unable to move forward.
Before you dismiss this as something you don't want to hear, listen to my story and consider how, with God, I've managed to live a life not for myself but for him for fifty years. I bypassed (not always) a bunch of junk that would have driven me back into the endless cycle of being under my circumstances.
My big issue as a young adult was the need to be loved and because I was totally naive, I confused sexual relations with love. I joined the service after the man I was dating said he was going to trade school and we could not get married until he was done.
I was doing fine until I fell genuinely head-over-heels in love with a man who was married. He was deployed to Japan and I never saw him again. When he left, I was 20 years old and two months pregnant. I received an honorable discharge and went home to Pennsylvania wearing a wedding band to avoid questions. I received three letters from the father. When the time to deliver approached, I went back to Denver to have my baby because the cost was already covered.
I grew up trusting that people always told the truth. I could not imagine why I was alone at this time. I found a live-in job in Colorado Springs caring for two boys until I went to the hospital. I remember beating on my belly and blaming the unborn for my situation.
I then shared a motel room with another woman. We decided to keep our babies and not put them up for adoption. Her name was Hope. The first “beds” the babies slept in were the dresser drawers in the motel. We both left for home again.
I found a night shift job putting hypodermic needles in hubs to attach to syringes. Mom and Dad loved their granddaughter.
Another man I met in the service got in touch with me. He had gone to Vietnam and spent time in Leavenworth. He came to visit and gave me enough money to meet him in Boston and a little besides. We were going to get married I thought. I packed my hope chest into two suitcases along with my wedding dress and locked them in an airport locker on my arrival in Boston for Saint Patrick's Day weekend. Never left the hotel room because I had spent the extra money on clothing for myself.
A few weeks later I frantically called him from my aunt's phone. I was pregnant. He explained his parents had picked a girl out for him to marry and that was that. Everything I owned was there and I was here. I had no one and nothing. The emotional toll is something only another woman can imagine. I could not place any added burden on my parents and I decided I didn't want my babies to grow up without a father.
It was leap year. I went back to the man who left for trade school (now graduated) and asked him to marry me. He accepted. Seven and a half months later daughter number two arrived. There were many issues in this entanglement, which at this juncture, would slow down reaching my point for today.
A few years later, after the birth of our son, I started attending church. I began to understand, listen and believe what was read and preached. There came a day when I felt I could no longer sit and I began walking to the alter. I knew I needed Jesus. I was drawn into the invisible arms of the Lord. Tears ran uncontrollably down my cheeks. It basically was my time. I had run out of “me” and embraced the knowing feeling that was coursing through me.
Like my other commitments, I was all in. This new relationship was unlike any I had known. I studied for myself (as we all must) and repeated what God said to me over and over again until it became rock solid. This was the beginning; believing with my whole being and not doubting anything God says.
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.,” Deuteronomy 6:5, NIV.
I stopped looking back, blaming others and making excuses and began making the best of life based on his truth instead of how I thought things should be. I learned who I was in Jesus Christ. I knew I was his. He loved me. Confusion vanished.
The Bible says without faith it is impossible to please God. That's true. The world failed me, people abandoned me, but God never has.
When I came to him in faith believing that he exists and he does reward those who seriously seek him, I found that love I had craved from the very beginning in Jesus Christ. I learned how to love myself again.
Joy Bickle Author of Learning the Art of Sacrifice--For All Your Problems Joy explains how you can master the art of living above your circumstances. Her book is available on Amazon. Joy is our featured Blogger, she has experienced and grown through much of what she shares with her audience. Taking time with Joy is like taking time with the Lord!