One of the hardest things anyone has to do is to learn to believe God's Word and put it into practice after they have read it or heard it spoken. You have in fact arrived at the door and knocked. Thoughts race through your mind. “This is silly. He can't help me. I'm not good enough. I'm not smart enough. It doesn't feel real. Other people will think I'm a fake. I'm scared.” You're not thinking anything new. Many thousands have thought the same things as they knocked and wanted to be accepted into the kingdom of God.
You have already done the hard part by identifying that you can't live life all alone and without guidance and help. God knows how many other ways you have tried to live your life without him. But something seems to be missing. It's okay to be desperate and dependent on wanting to know where to go from this point.
“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened,” Luke 11:9, 10, NIV.
Let me tell you about what your mind would have you believe; it lies to you. Unless Jesus Christ is in our lives, we haven't been renewed in our mind to know the truth of God. If we knew the truth we would already know he can help us and that no one is good enough. Deciding to knock on heaven's door doesn't require intelligence, in fact, it is the first time you are using wisdom; two different things.
Did you feel comfortable riding a bike the first time? Faith isn't easy when you begin on your journey. If your life has been anything but pristine up unto this point and you have failed and failed and failed again, you can believe people will be skeptical, but this isn't about what other people think, it's about you living for God and letting him steer your way. It's not God and you and them. It's God and you.
I have in my home a Bible that belonged to a man who went to prison. While there, he received Christ on February 2, 1994 and he began to think a different way. He gained hope and believed he could have a changed life. When he was released, he apologized to people whom he had hurt by his actions and for months lived his life with Christ by his side, including going to church with my family a few times.
His background read like a tabloid, full of abuse, drugs, drinking and criminal activity. The whole family, brothers, sister and parents were infected and lived without knowing if they only knocked, Jesus would answer and change their lives. Those who did know, couldn't be bothered by people who thought they were better than them.
Unfortunately the short stay in the half-way house was not long enough and the lack of finding good employment because of his record was unattainable. Never having taken any drugs other than those prescribed and for any long duration, I can't pretend to know the immense pull to be under the influence of their alternating state. But I do know, addiction whatever the form, is always pulling, wanting you to return to it. It then becomes a choice of which pull, God's or others, you answer to.
The man gave in to what had ruined his life before and in June of 2016 his own son found him in bed with a needle stuck in a vein. The repercussions of his death are like an unending nightmare that keeps replicating itself in his family members.
Thankfully I don't have to decide about his final resting place. That is in God's capable hands and only he can read the heart. The man knew the way. He had asked, sought and knocked. He had asked Jesus to come into his life and looked for ways to make the necessary changes. He knocked, but he grew weary and stopped knocking, stopped depending on God and found a way to make it all go away.
If you're scared, it's okay. We all are in some way, because we know that without the grace that God showed us, the man's story I related could be our own. Each person who comes, who asks Jesus Christ to be their personal savior and studies and looks at how God wants him to live daily, will be found knocking everyday. We all go astray if our mind is not renewed daily.
People ask other people or turn to the stars to find out what they should do. We are warned about both in the Bible. People seek escaping all their troubles or covering up their need of God in a lot of unsatisfying and destructive ways only to find out in the end they still have to answer to God.
Everyone who comes to Jesus comes the same way. We are all under construction and will not be perfected until Jesus returns for us, so don't let other people's comments offend you. Learn to live for Christ and not for other people's approval.
You will receive all you need and so much more from a relationship with Jesus. Along the way you will find that no one can compare to him. But once you have knocked... keep on knocking because all you're looking for is found behind the door that is opened unto you.
You can do all things when you find your strength in Him and not in yourself. Won't you give him your difficulties, your desires, your fears, your life right now? Knock, you know you need to.